'you will go in there
and the entrance of light will cause seizures
some agression
some major emotional weaknesses will be highlighted'
[this man is talking in riddles, he his telling me a dictionary of words I must understand]
am I to remember this when the time comes? I say.
'yes' he says, as though the clean up of the festival is a environmental disaster
but the people here have just been taking drugs I think
why should I decide not to smile at them... in case they suspect a vulnerable being and wish to take advantage
there are three men
they all take on each others personalities
I am still in Paris and short of time
we need to get to the plane and this means today's plans can not be followed through
what really comes of all this,
when will I get to spend that last day in Paris with the comfort that time is no boundary?
Bonjour from Paris
There is a lady walking, she is looking right now, she has stopped by a bin. She rummages for things that people do not want, standing with her head over the bin she eats, baguettes, sandwiches, her hand wrapped around wrapping paper. I see her here at Notre Dame, I saw her last night in Bastille, she is everywhere and there are many more of her.
Tasting a memory
It is quite exciting, melancholy too.
When I drink I am taken back to my dads workshop, to around the age of 11, sitting drinking tea that has been kept warm by his Stanley flask. They weren't the most exciting of times, it was usually very cold and the surfaces were hard and covered in oil, but the bittersweet tea from his flask provided comfort.
When I drink I am taken back to my dads workshop, to around the age of 11, sitting drinking tea that has been kept warm by his Stanley flask. They weren't the most exciting of times, it was usually very cold and the surfaces were hard and covered in oil, but the bittersweet tea from his flask provided comfort.
Talking to pages
It's new, it's different and it's not so perfect as before, but I am attracted to it. It's bigger and maybe a little more intense, a larger less rounded commitment. It's not so obviously cool, It feels maturer and I should set my old one down in the 'well written & permanent pile' because as a friend kinda said the other day, even if you start a new book, feeling like you have finished writing your feelings into the the old one, you will still carry that book with you - and that's okay because that old book is part of your history and you had that book even before you knew you would be entering your feelings into this one.
Responsible
We made a path behind
us as we walked, with salt taken from a bowl. As we moved we tasted the salt,
it was pure like ocean saltwater. Before us in the distance were horses, cream
in colour and idling on some grass.
When we got there it
was my job to help call them over to the other side of the dip. The call I was
making didn’t work but then I remembered the clicking noise we use to make with
our mouths to get the horses to come near. I began this, ‘click click click’
with my tounge and teeth, and they began to come near, some in single file, some
in groups.
As the horses
approached me it appeared they were not horses and were each women. They passed
me and as they did I asked them who they were, one woman, sat in a wheel chair told me
her name and about her disability.
After all the horses
had passed over the dip, the situation again changed, this time children were
filing passed me, and I was responsible for them, we put out chairs from
stacks, and the children all sat down in front of the fields dip. Some chairs were
broken, I took a broken one but it still seemed to work. I took my chair and went and sat at the
far side of the group, mainly because there was a man at the front I wanted to
be able to see but also because I thought this was the teacher-like thing to
do.
pop your bubbles
why am I so angry, I need to go swimming or go to meditation... or something. I feel short with my patience, I almost got on the train back to Bristol from Cardiff today, I should have thought about it then when we missed the train back to our city. This city feels a little new, or is it me, do I feel new?
someone said to me the other day, I forget who, that a place might not really affect you in anyway until you leave it, this is defiantly true but why can you not have that same love whilst you are there, is it just growing its routes and maybe really it needs pruning to be able to be the best... or something?
i love this new comedy show on telly, its one of those ones where you wish you were friends with the guy running the show. you know... or something
i think maybe i should go to sleep now, you know... or something.
perhaps the reason I feel angry now is because I've been practising being cool headed in frustrating situations, this has achieved some sense of peace, but maybe I just need to say what I'm thinking in future and think about peace in a different way, I think I'd rather feel at peace with myself that I'd said what I believed or at least what everyone including me was thinking.
i did two things this weekend that made me feel like I'd 'gone off the rails' completely, looking back now I can laugh at myself for eating meat sober and taking a drag on a cigarette drunk, because as long as I'm happy with it at the time then that's what matters. i mean gosh, it's not like i committed a crime, unless you count smoking inside a club, just don't tell nouveau casino and it'll be sweet.
someone said to me the other day, I forget who, that a place might not really affect you in anyway until you leave it, this is defiantly true but why can you not have that same love whilst you are there, is it just growing its routes and maybe really it needs pruning to be able to be the best... or something?
i love this new comedy show on telly, its one of those ones where you wish you were friends with the guy running the show. you know... or something
i think maybe i should go to sleep now, you know... or something.
perhaps the reason I feel angry now is because I've been practising being cool headed in frustrating situations, this has achieved some sense of peace, but maybe I just need to say what I'm thinking in future and think about peace in a different way, I think I'd rather feel at peace with myself that I'd said what I believed or at least what everyone including me was thinking.
i did two things this weekend that made me feel like I'd 'gone off the rails' completely, looking back now I can laugh at myself for eating meat sober and taking a drag on a cigarette drunk, because as long as I'm happy with it at the time then that's what matters. i mean gosh, it's not like i committed a crime, unless you count smoking inside a club, just don't tell nouveau casino and it'll be sweet.
definition unknown
Sometimes, I hear something and I'm back to being in love
This makes me think, did I ever fall out of love
Or have I not yet found the definition
This makes me think, did I ever fall out of love
Or have I not yet found the definition
Jaws
There is no bone beyond my jaw, it is raw
it is raw
There is not bone beyond my jaw, it is raw
it is raw
There is no bone beyond my jaw, it is raw
it is raw
There is not bone beyond my jaw, it is raw
it is raw
There is no bone beyond my jaw, it is raw
it is raw
There is not bone beyond my jaw, it is raw
it is raw
It is raw
it is raw
There is not bone beyond my jaw, it is raw
it is raw
There is no bone beyond my jaw, it is raw
it is raw
There is not bone beyond my jaw, it is raw
it is raw
There is no bone beyond my jaw, it is raw
it is raw
There is not bone beyond my jaw, it is raw
it is raw
It is raw
I had to document my thoughts right now... because somebody once said that 'life is about the right now'
I never really thought much about writing, it got to a stage early last year where I accepted that I really enjoy it. Maybe it's because I feel like I think excessively and it makes room for more thoughts. It is an awesome filter, I've already mentioned the book called The Sound of Paper by Julia Cameron that's kinda how she describes it. It's definitely fair to say I don't consider myself to know much about this field, be it English/Poetry... but I don't think you need to, if you have the words and you want to express them in a particular way then that's good enough for me.
The reason I'm going on about all this is because a kind friend recently asked if he could show one of my pieces of writing on his blog, and I couldn't really say no, because I had no reason to say no. I feel really happy about it actually because, he has a 'sick' hand at what he does. An before I had met this friend I'd never really thought about showing writing in this way, and though I don't think he knows this I feel like his poems have subconsciously tutored me in the different little ways words can sit together happily, I mean who better to learn from than a linguistics student.
Blogging feels great, it has felt great, just to let the words breath. I think also reading my poem out over music has excelled a breath of fresh air into my confidence, not just people saying that they liked it but actually saying it for myself, for my auntie. I can still speak to her and its positive, partly melancholy but somehow it feels beautiful.
So there's life right now, in my thoughts, it could be forwarding to a dungeon of spam somewhere in the corner of the Internet I really don't mind, but if there are people reading (this feels like I'm trying to communicate with aliens) and enjoying then, Thank You. Come back, and interact if you like because words between people are more fun than words alone - I feel like someone else has coined this phrase... but we'll have it for tonight.
The reason I'm going on about all this is because a kind friend recently asked if he could show one of my pieces of writing on his blog, and I couldn't really say no, because I had no reason to say no. I feel really happy about it actually because, he has a 'sick' hand at what he does. An before I had met this friend I'd never really thought about showing writing in this way, and though I don't think he knows this I feel like his poems have subconsciously tutored me in the different little ways words can sit together happily, I mean who better to learn from than a linguistics student.
Blogging feels great, it has felt great, just to let the words breath. I think also reading my poem out over music has excelled a breath of fresh air into my confidence, not just people saying that they liked it but actually saying it for myself, for my auntie. I can still speak to her and its positive, partly melancholy but somehow it feels beautiful.
So there's life right now, in my thoughts, it could be forwarding to a dungeon of spam somewhere in the corner of the Internet I really don't mind, but if there are people reading (this feels like I'm trying to communicate with aliens) and enjoying then, Thank You. Come back, and interact if you like because words between people are more fun than words alone - I feel like someone else has coined this phrase... but we'll have it for tonight.
fridge magnet
sitting in a room with two of my probably best friends,
they are today's inspiration, they are most days inspiration.
waking me up feeding me dressing me listening to me speaking to me...
they have lived the last few weeks with me.
I'm going to go make some tea for us three.
they are today's inspiration, they are most days inspiration.
waking me up feeding me dressing me listening to me speaking to me...
they have lived the last few weeks with me.
I'm going to go make some tea for us three.
happy fried
i dreamt about my grandad last night, he passed away about ten years ago.
my friend said this was his way of saying hello, so it wouldn't be scary.
the other week, I went to a photography exhibition with some friends, i may or may have not wrote about the trip already, that's besides the point. in one photograph there was a man sitting on a bus who looked exactly like my grandad but a little younger than the age he passed away, he looked more like he did on my fifth birthday which we have a video of, I have in my head that image of him helping my nan out of the car, the man in the photograph couldn't have been anyone else.
since that trip to the exhibition I think I kinda forgot about it, but last night I had a dream about him, I know I've had one in between these two events but I don't recall what it was.
we walked around a big house with lots of rooms, rooms that reminded me of other people in my families houses, this was our new home, and I remember saying that this is where I'd always imagined we would live, we stood admiring the cosiness of the 'sitting room' and we hugged and he said quite plainly 'you just need a little butterscotch'.
I have had a really lovely night, one of our lecturers suggested we should go to see a film that was showing at a new theatre/art space place. It really helped me to think about things, and the way we communicate with others. Also now I think about it, I had been thinking about her a lot lately I really want to speak to her, I think she's just, I dunno without sounding like a what's the word... suck up, I think she's brilliant - she is a total 'amazon' I really miss her lectures.. I just want to have coffee with her and talk about everything from A - Z until we pass out from talking. You think shed be up for it?
That place has a night on in a couple weeks, a workshop maybe, dedicated to communication, I think it will be really good, I'm going to tell a friend about it, after a massive discussion we had the other week about life technology and people I think it will be one of those things I was talking about that 'clicks'... sorry my mind is fried, but a happy friend, I think, like an egg without the yellow bit.
night
my friend said this was his way of saying hello, so it wouldn't be scary.
the other week, I went to a photography exhibition with some friends, i may or may have not wrote about the trip already, that's besides the point. in one photograph there was a man sitting on a bus who looked exactly like my grandad but a little younger than the age he passed away, he looked more like he did on my fifth birthday which we have a video of, I have in my head that image of him helping my nan out of the car, the man in the photograph couldn't have been anyone else.
since that trip to the exhibition I think I kinda forgot about it, but last night I had a dream about him, I know I've had one in between these two events but I don't recall what it was.
we walked around a big house with lots of rooms, rooms that reminded me of other people in my families houses, this was our new home, and I remember saying that this is where I'd always imagined we would live, we stood admiring the cosiness of the 'sitting room' and we hugged and he said quite plainly 'you just need a little butterscotch'.
I have had a really lovely night, one of our lecturers suggested we should go to see a film that was showing at a new theatre/art space place. It really helped me to think about things, and the way we communicate with others. Also now I think about it, I had been thinking about her a lot lately I really want to speak to her, I think she's just, I dunno without sounding like a what's the word... suck up, I think she's brilliant - she is a total 'amazon' I really miss her lectures.. I just want to have coffee with her and talk about everything from A - Z until we pass out from talking. You think shed be up for it?
That place has a night on in a couple weeks, a workshop maybe, dedicated to communication, I think it will be really good, I'm going to tell a friend about it, after a massive discussion we had the other week about life technology and people I think it will be one of those things I was talking about that 'clicks'... sorry my mind is fried, but a happy friend, I think, like an egg without the yellow bit.
night
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