I looked into the fire
I had a revelation
I should go for this and let nothing stop me
Life is short
Love is grand
We are people we need to make a stand
Life is bliss
Love is your stand
All I'd like to do for now is hold your hand
Life comes
And it goes
As people
We will grow
Let love be grand
And life will show
People this is what we need to know
Thats enough for now
I'll go and dance
Let the dirt move
And the people prance
Note's
8th April '11
So many good journeys on this road, filled with reflection, on a day/night out, I find it hard not to be happy on this two hour bus ride. The outside rolls by literally, It's so familiar yet so breathtaking - I hope love can be like this. All the names on signposts are ones I've seen before, the music on my ipod hasn't been updated for a couple of years now - it's just pure good time music, back when I didn't expose my ears to anything below a certain tempo. Lots of liquid-y drum and bass, saxophones, occasional steel drums and 80's blinders - not to forget the beautiful sounds of Fat Freddys Drop. I can not wait to embrace the fields whilst with friends + music - it is a strange hedonism Im not sure I have the correct word but it fits - I know what I mean. Its strange how I can want to be so clean and then revel almost in my youth as I walk around grin widespread wading through mud or wiping dust off my forehead. Me and C would spend hours constructing dams in the river made of stones and logs and plenty of mud. I would walk barefoot through the stream and make tea sets out of clay in the bank. I assumed this lifestyle would lead into my future job as an archeologist - but its not so much artifacts that interest me anymore - I just like earth! Before coming to uni I browsed courses related to earth & science not really knowing what I was looking for, just with a fantasy in mind of the future, perhaps one I should pursue in some way even if its just rock climbing or growing herbs...........
Journey Home X Gates
Where am I on this journey, I was questioning this on the way to ford. I was thinking fondly of this journey that I've taken so many times before, and whether this is a nostalgic feeling - because I am on the journey as I write this. But earlier I was thinking of the previous ones in relation to the one I was on this morning... I'm not really sure what I mean actually.
This is an entry in my notebook I often look back on, It would appear that looking back isn't so bad when it keeps you looking forward.
Ysbuty, Gammon Fish.
We're at the house, the location is minutes away so we're not quite ready..
I have been ready for a while, despite choosing whether on not to wear some lipstick. I have also been asigned to 'deejay', so currently we have playing Bonobo, Kiara. Next some Burial. J is pouting blood purple lipstick, T is saying what time she will be happy to go to sleep as she has work in the morning, which means getting up at 7 to drive an hour and help J move out of the house. Tonight we are celebrating J's moving from her student house, back to Whales for a bit before she moves to Landan. We interuppt this post to ask- ''does any on have a boob tube with them?''
I think I just have time to check this for errors before we rush off down to the pub, where people are waiting and we are late.
Gute Nacht
I have been ready for a while, despite choosing whether on not to wear some lipstick. I have also been asigned to 'deejay', so currently we have playing Bonobo, Kiara. Next some Burial. J is pouting blood purple lipstick, T is saying what time she will be happy to go to sleep as she has work in the morning, which means getting up at 7 to drive an hour and help J move out of the house. Tonight we are celebrating J's moving from her student house, back to Whales for a bit before she moves to Landan. We interuppt this post to ask- ''does any on have a boob tube with them?''
I think I just have time to check this for errors before we rush off down to the pub, where people are waiting and we are late.
Gute Nacht
On a more delightful strand..
I am meeting some lovely friends this evening to dance and celebrate life and movement across the land. I should in fact go and get dressed up. Also, I have just ordered Laura Marlings new album. Her performance at the festival I attended last weekend was a chilled and beautiful one, she was very smiley, more so compared to last year, perhaps it was the sunshine that blessed the weekend. Suffice to say I was close to tears of happiness with her song and surrounding aura.
Another thing, I am fairly excited, if not quite a large amount of me will be very happy to move back to South Whales in a couple of weeks, even though I have a huge amount of preperation for my final year in uni to be getting on with. I am starting to think I like it quite enough to potentially live there after graduation, but times and finances will tell. Let's just hope next year I am just visiting my parents in the summer, as much as I love them, I can not manage to stay grounded living in the part of Whales they do for very long, I may as well be a mushroom under a tree.
Anything else...
The seasons are a'changing, with out a doubt I am in love with Autumn, the colours fill me with the best feelings, at the moment behind my workplace in the courtyard, the creeping leaves are blood red, and combined with a peach sunset over the hills they make for an explosion of the retinas g-spot.
Have a beautiful Tuesday.
Another thing, I am fairly excited, if not quite a large amount of me will be very happy to move back to South Whales in a couple of weeks, even though I have a huge amount of preperation for my final year in uni to be getting on with. I am starting to think I like it quite enough to potentially live there after graduation, but times and finances will tell. Let's just hope next year I am just visiting my parents in the summer, as much as I love them, I can not manage to stay grounded living in the part of Whales they do for very long, I may as well be a mushroom under a tree.
Anything else...
The seasons are a'changing, with out a doubt I am in love with Autumn, the colours fill me with the best feelings, at the moment behind my workplace in the courtyard, the creeping leaves are blood red, and combined with a peach sunset over the hills they make for an explosion of the retinas g-spot.
Have a beautiful Tuesday.
I feel the need for honesty always
I sit, at ten to two in the afternoon in last nights sleeping clothes, consisting of many layers including a hand me down jumper that I can only assume was my uncles, It reads 'USA', something I would never invest in personally, but the notion that it may have belonged to him holds a thread of connection.
Impermanence is a massive 'thing', always floating around my brain, I seem to be very aware of it at the moment. It scrapes at the surface, and I scrape at it's surface, asking questions of the future and the past. Me and my mother visited her parents, and my grandparents grave the other day to place some sweet pea flowers on their headstone.
I wont go into too much detail as these are merely thoughts I want to exude and not ponder on for too long. My mum lost her sister, we lost our aunty, last April, she was caught and taken by a disease. For a long time I couldn't believe it, or accept it, and if I'm honest, I know there are parts of me that still think she is alive.
For as long as I can remember, me and my mum, and my brother and sister when they were younger, all trouped over to her and my uncles and cousins house a lot in the holidays, these small trips provided love, excitement, adventure, and kitchen chat. Now that it is summer, I get regular instantaneous thought's, I have had to restrain myself many times from asking my mother, 'when do you want to go over to Aunty L's?' This chokes at the best of times.
The power of impermanence and the permanence of loss seem very hard to understand. Grief feels strange, dark but sometimes can be an enlightening thing. There will always be things around to remind of the nakedness of truth, but if you keep your eyes open you can see these people in the prettiest of places, they appear when least expected, and sometimes when you need reassurance of existence the most.
Their presence will forever be permanent in the people they love and know.
Jelly - Thoughts of Kelly.
Kelly-Jayne you are not smelly not vain
You light my heart like a flame
Living without you sometimes drives me insane
You light my heart like a flame
Living without you sometimes drives me insane
It helps me sleep
Tonight I found a song that I have been waiting to come along
Every time I make a failed rhyme I find you in my mind
Not all but most
Coast to coast would be many bags of toast
I have been singing and I don't like to boast but it sounds okay
Maybe it's the needle in the hay
That needed time
Plenty more to come until I find my plum
Why plum when you can just call it love
Yes love
Word compiled of four letters
Sure it was clear the way I thought when I found you were falling off the tree
I began heaving all the emotions into a pile to set on fire
I couldn't dispose of them all like I'd hoped
Setting them alight was just the worst idea it seemed
But I have plenty to write about and too much to clean
Not enough bleach too much lavender
It helps me sleep
Every time I make a failed rhyme I find you in my mind
Not all but most
Coast to coast would be many bags of toast
I have been singing and I don't like to boast but it sounds okay
Maybe it's the needle in the hay
That needed time
Plenty more to come until I find my plum
Why plum when you can just call it love
Yes love
Word compiled of four letters
Sure it was clear the way I thought when I found you were falling off the tree
I began heaving all the emotions into a pile to set on fire
I couldn't dispose of them all like I'd hoped
Setting them alight was just the worst idea it seemed
But I have plenty to write about and too much to clean
Not enough bleach too much lavender
It helps me sleep
Say this really fast, you may find it more enjoyable. Or not.
I am sitting outside work
Cars drive past that perp
It is not at me or the tree
It is at the people that pee
For the fee of three pounds and thirty-three
My mum is on her way
It has been a long but lovely day
Eating, sleeping and feeling gay
But not in that way
The old fashioned kind
That sticks in your mind
I have had a weekend that has made me want to find
A piece of mind, away from the blind
That drive in loud noised cars
A'stumbling into bars
On a Tuesday eve
Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to weave
Something that sounds like I don't believe
In people
Because I do
Believe in me
And you
And the others
Also.
Skin Coloured
I had a dream I was naked, because I hadn't any clothes,
People were shocked but I didn't care,
I was unaware,
Of the surrounding taboo,
To be dressed like,
Me.
Or you.
People were shocked but I didn't care,
I was unaware,
Of the surrounding taboo,
To be dressed like,
Me.
Or you.
She's like the wind
Today, and the evening prior to it have been just lovely.
I spent the time with a really good friend of mine, who I've known since our work and school brought us together. After meeting we have dinner and catch up on recent and upcoming events news, we discuss education and the future, past experiences are compared and we come to united decisions on things. She and I go to her work where there is to be live music - there is no music, the man did not show, but we sit and chat with her co staff, drink some cider and feel a little full. When we get home we are milling about before relaxing and watching a sweet dark natured film about a welsh boy in his teens, setting the world to right from his bedroom, it's awkwardly funny, I like it. Sleep.
Dreams about wind, wake, the window is open, I close it, my friend doesn't want it closed - I open it. Sleep. Wake.
Mid morning, first 'lie in' in a while, beaut. We walk over the river, past many flowers and strollers, heading for some light swimming in the fast lane before realizing we are in the fast lane, we then move swiftly to the 'medium lane', so we are just medium for about twenty minutes, not forgetting to mention the anxious wait then in the 'fun pool' for the wave machine to begin, all of half an hour later it begins, we then endure about two minutes of whistles blowing and bumping into parents holding their children, we decide it is time to take advantage of the spa area; bubbles, steam, relax, heat, shower, time to go for lunch.
We catch lunch by the river in a very friendly Greek cafe I forget the name of, my friend tells me they've just recently opened. After a lovely meal I ask for some of the sweet pastry I eyed when we ordered, and the gentleman 'born in Austria but parents are Greek' says we are to try some anyway. We talk about dreams we'd had and strangers who look like a combination of two people that you know, children and how irresponsible we may or may not be as future mothers. Time to head back to the house, grab the rucksack and go. We hug and I move through town with sweet pastry and pleasant thought's of a lovely twenty-four-hours in mind.
On the bus, looking out I see, beauty that gives you butterflies.
Nos Da.
I spent the time with a really good friend of mine, who I've known since our work and school brought us together. After meeting we have dinner and catch up on recent and upcoming events news, we discuss education and the future, past experiences are compared and we come to united decisions on things. She and I go to her work where there is to be live music - there is no music, the man did not show, but we sit and chat with her co staff, drink some cider and feel a little full. When we get home we are milling about before relaxing and watching a sweet dark natured film about a welsh boy in his teens, setting the world to right from his bedroom, it's awkwardly funny, I like it. Sleep.
Dreams about wind, wake, the window is open, I close it, my friend doesn't want it closed - I open it. Sleep. Wake.
Mid morning, first 'lie in' in a while, beaut. We walk over the river, past many flowers and strollers, heading for some light swimming in the fast lane before realizing we are in the fast lane, we then move swiftly to the 'medium lane', so we are just medium for about twenty minutes, not forgetting to mention the anxious wait then in the 'fun pool' for the wave machine to begin, all of half an hour later it begins, we then endure about two minutes of whistles blowing and bumping into parents holding their children, we decide it is time to take advantage of the spa area; bubbles, steam, relax, heat, shower, time to go for lunch.
We catch lunch by the river in a very friendly Greek cafe I forget the name of, my friend tells me they've just recently opened. After a lovely meal I ask for some of the sweet pastry I eyed when we ordered, and the gentleman 'born in Austria but parents are Greek' says we are to try some anyway. We talk about dreams we'd had and strangers who look like a combination of two people that you know, children and how irresponsible we may or may not be as future mothers. Time to head back to the house, grab the rucksack and go. We hug and I move through town with sweet pastry and pleasant thought's of a lovely twenty-four-hours in mind.
On the bus, looking out I see, beauty that gives you butterflies.
Nos Da.
We could be up in the clouds, or under them.
On a Sunny Sunday in Whales, I should be outside really, feeling a wee bit under the clouds so... I'm going to see what delights I can find in my mums garden, and then make something. Cooking on a Sunday eve when the parents are out is a favorite past time, but I think I'll swap the Morcheeba and red wine for some of this (see video) and some springy H20. Flowers... I'm going to pick some flowers too, because I can, let's just hope it's nothing hay-fever related.
Also I've had some wild dreams this past week, funny to look back on but unsettling at the time. My friend says it's something to do with eating cheese in bed. She's probably right, so no cheese tonight either. I should exit here, before this turns into a cooking blog- no offense intended.
GO-VEG-TA-BLES!
Music: Oh Land, Still Here
Video: Rikkedotetto
Professor
As I stared into space across the landing having just spoken to my father, he spoke.
"Don't worry you will be happy when I've gone." We hugged, "It has been lovely having you here" I said.
"I love my aunty" He said.
I found my voice, it had gone missing you see.
Recently in the last few days my voice has come back, I didn't lose it as you may if you had a sore throat or tonsillitis or whatever.
I lost it in the sense that I haven't been feeling very inspired, and so have mostly been repeating the same few lines out loud, of a small selection of artist's that I have been listening to, e.g. Joni Mitchell, Laura Marling, Stephanie Finegan and The Fugees. This has meant I haven't been coming up with any new lyrics, or melodies that have caught my own interest, but by no means am I disregarding the severe amount of impact these artists hold.
I have on our home computer five song's, of which the beautiful band I've been in this year got together to record in June time. I had listened a couple of time's to these songs on the speaker that comes from the back of the computer, it doesn't do anything much justice, but you can work out what song is playing and that is about it..
So, I had the revolutionary idea of putting them onto a compact disc. (Better late than never) This meant I could carry the song's around with me, in the car I could listen at leisure, even at work if I fancied. The results have been (I shouldn't use this word twice really, but just for effect, and in the style of How I Met Your Mother's "Legendary" quote) revolutionary. You heard it, got the idea, yours truly has not shut up since.
I have reminded myself that I can be a part of something that sounds, well, just darling.
Something else that may also have helped is the fact that; the other day, I received not one, not two, not even three, but ten brand spanking new micro cassettes for my dictaphone. By now the tape I inserted a week ago has a colorful variety of sounds, including an interview I did this morning with Professor Inkling, as he conducted his 'sound of a train made by a plastic bowl' experiment.
All quite exciting stuff.
12th of September will be, a good day. You know why?
Well, I was listening to a song on the radio, and I got strong colours of Joni Mitchell from it, I was seriously confused, the voice then wavered over to Laura Marling and back, and then into a country and western style - I was listening to Laura Marling, but wait, was it her?
Laura Marling's new song Sophia, it's beautiful, as only to be expected, but it's also bloody brilliant, like a recipe for overpowering synapse stimulation of the healing kind. Hearing many element's of inspiration, I am curious as to where she has been, I keep forgetting I will hopefully be lucky enough to see her in two weeks time (forgetting because I avoided checking the line up for the festival I'm working at, just incase I couldn't attend- I am attending, and boy, am I riveted!) I am never sure if it is very fair to compare artists on a first hearing, I know they'd love the comparison if they loved the artist, but they'll never find out so...
The above date is the release of the new album, I may just pre order now- what do I have to lose. Regrettably and also as to be expected, the tour she is doing around British cathedrals is SOLD OUT. But, but, but I maybe, probably will, be able to see her soon.
Man, rambling (see what I did there) on a little now, apologies for general digression of subject and overall lack of coherence.
This band I'm in, I want it to have a future; listening to music, writing things, working music out with others and then performing, it all feel's so bladdy... healthy. We have been blessed and may it continue.
The sound of my own voice; It just needed a little encouragement, from myself.
Faces in the dark
I left behind the small row of colourful homes and the road speed sign.
One pair of eyes greeted me at first, it was a rare sight on this sleepy road.
Do I have my lights on full so I can see them well,
No. Because I will 'dazzle' this person I thought.
I edged the car forward slowly, not wanting to step on any toes.
More appeared, many.
Pale and staring, lined up like a row of pillars.
It wasn't until the last one, a daisy in his rucksack and a show of his right hand,
That I realized the innocence of it all.
Moment's later, I felt discontent. It is dark out.
Why didn't I ask them where they were going, it could be hours until they get there.
There is a slight excitement in not knowing, but also a part of me that would like to share,
A journey with strangers, help them on their way.
Maybe I'll see them tomorrow, maybe I'll pass by their way.
One pair of eyes greeted me at first, it was a rare sight on this sleepy road.
Do I have my lights on full so I can see them well,
No. Because I will 'dazzle' this person I thought.
I edged the car forward slowly, not wanting to step on any toes.
More appeared, many.
Pale and staring, lined up like a row of pillars.
It wasn't until the last one, a daisy in his rucksack and a show of his right hand,
That I realized the innocence of it all.
Moment's later, I felt discontent. It is dark out.
Why didn't I ask them where they were going, it could be hours until they get there.
There is a slight excitement in not knowing, but also a part of me that would like to share,
A journey with strangers, help them on their way.
Maybe I'll see them tomorrow, maybe I'll pass by their way.
"I missed the lichen walk!"
I am quite annoyed, at myself, this seems to be a frequent occurrence lately.
Lichen deserves it's own post entirely, but I have been just a bit keen for it, since well... forever. What I am going on about is that, this evening there was a wild plant & fungus survey going down. It is a once in a blue full moon occasion, and last time I was here I missed it also.
It would seem a slight change in the tides has occurred in light of the move back to my parent's for summer. All the brilliant 'good' habit's I'd managed to get myself into... well, they seem to have vanished, along with the surroundings.
It is possible I do thing's quite routinely, the wee thing's anyway, just so those things are all in order and I can fathom the more important things, like uni work, money, other shibazzle.
Point being; It take's me a while to adapt to these new semi-familiar surroundings.
The pace of life is slower, thing's take time to come around, harvest is the hot topic, trips to town must be negotiated, a handful of friends can be caught an hour away... sometime's I feel like I have gone in a time machine.
I am not complaining, I find this place magical, I feel spoiled by it's beauty, it's just strange, trying to adjust. Living with my parent's has been good, not unbearable, it is mostly due to my own frame of mind if there are any less bearable moments.
I guess I have also been spoiled by activity living somewhere larger, with brilliant friends, who are there, to bounce idea's off, have a jam, make some jam.. no I mean cake- I haven't mastered jam yet.
Its not something new, uncommon, but isn't it really strange? Not what happens to my brain, but the whole nomadic-ish lifestyle student's lead, living in one place for most of a year and then in another place for a good quarter of the rest.
This is all written a bit haywire-y, just finding it awkward to align those thought's.
I had a plan this evening, even questions I was eager to ask, but I missed it, I missed the bloody lichen walk.
To cheer myself up, to follow are some scrumptious images (not at all a boast about my amateur photography skills, rather talking about the beauutiful life living on life).
Lichen deserves it's own post entirely, but I have been just a bit keen for it, since well... forever. What I am going on about is that, this evening there was a wild plant & fungus survey going down. It is a once in a blue full moon occasion, and last time I was here I missed it also.
It would seem a slight change in the tides has occurred in light of the move back to my parent's for summer. All the brilliant 'good' habit's I'd managed to get myself into... well, they seem to have vanished, along with the surroundings.
It is possible I do thing's quite routinely, the wee thing's anyway, just so those things are all in order and I can fathom the more important things, like uni work, money, other shibazzle.
Point being; It take's me a while to adapt to these new semi-familiar surroundings.
The pace of life is slower, thing's take time to come around, harvest is the hot topic, trips to town must be negotiated, a handful of friends can be caught an hour away... sometime's I feel like I have gone in a time machine.
I am not complaining, I find this place magical, I feel spoiled by it's beauty, it's just strange, trying to adjust. Living with my parent's has been good, not unbearable, it is mostly due to my own frame of mind if there are any less bearable moments.
I guess I have also been spoiled by activity living somewhere larger, with brilliant friends, who are there, to bounce idea's off, have a jam, make some jam.. no I mean cake- I haven't mastered jam yet.
Its not something new, uncommon, but isn't it really strange? Not what happens to my brain, but the whole nomadic-ish lifestyle student's lead, living in one place for most of a year and then in another place for a good quarter of the rest.
This is all written a bit haywire-y, just finding it awkward to align those thought's.
I had a plan this evening, even questions I was eager to ask, but I missed it, I missed the bloody lichen walk.
To cheer myself up, to follow are some scrumptious images (not at all a boast about my amateur photography skills, rather talking about the beauutiful life living on life).
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