zzz... (I put this title in before unintentionally going on to talk about sleep. what a snore.)

So I really felt the need to write, because there seems to be a lot going on maybe, I'm not sure why, but i hope I don't feel the need to write too much as i should be sleeping, in time to catch a train home to my parents...

Never sleeping when i should be, never awake when i need to be, someone told me to sleep 'when your dead' the other day, I think its purely a student Fraze or said by party animal types, don't get me wrong, I like to party, as in stay up til the next day dancing, but after this years green man I have realized you really cant party like your 15 forever, and I do need sleep.

I was working at the festival, I only had one four hour shift a day, the first night we were 'good' and went to sleep when the staff bar closed  (No dancing though) The second night, I abused the right to drink alcohol, something I'm not proud of but luckily I was in safe hands and had reliable friends around, people that don't leave you asleep on the grass out in the midst of it all, not suggesting that was me asleep, no this night we didn't sleep until after four or maybe five, and I'm happy to say I'm still alive (because it rhymes).

The third night the spirit of dancing got hold of me and wasn't letting go, we danced until their was one little tiny cinema tent full of people left open, then we sat and talked and got covered in glitter and new friends and old dear friends, at five am it was time to get breakfast before work, the shift flew by and the work was constant but enjoyable. Later this day however I was not the picture of friendliness I mostly strive to be, I felt unenthusiastic, exhausted and very rotten. It didn't help that my ex broken foot bones were paining, however it was all my doing.

I did eventually after much debate on missing out on life, nap for a short while under some trees by the main stage, fell asleep to beautiful music- I forget what now, but this was a good thing to do.

So maybe I can still manage to party like I'm 15 but sleep is essential in some sort of cycle, or else you risk a colourful range of emotions within the space of a few minutes throughout a day.

I don't think I have written anything I thought I was going to write, I just need to get to sleep...

We had a beautiful impromptu gig this evening at the student union, it was larger than anticipated, (people had paid to get in) but despite some band reunion nerves, meaning we haven't played since June, it went well I think, and we may see a few new faces at other gigs and maybe jam with some of the artists. 

Ohh I did buy a cd also, a south whalian guy called Dewi Griffiths, he has also played another gig we do often so it was good to chat music and cities and stuff. I'd compare his music to another band I love but that would be a cop-out, he plays in a style that reaches in and grabs your chest taking it along with the music, and if you can understand that feeling, you'll understand what I mean. He's from Cardiff and has a cd on sale at the moment- though I haven't listened yet. I have however listened to the full Takk album by Sigur Ros, it helps me sleep and is now on repeat, which means it really is time to
shleep. 

sheep. no need for sheep, I'll fall straight asleep.

Dinner Line

As I was spicing my life up with some 'free writing' (ink isn't free), writing about the bizarre dreams that today seem mundane, this thought showed itself. 

I think I have an idea for a really terrible reality television show.  

[Wouldn't it be funny to line up all the boys you had ever loved or been out with, and then take them all out for dinner.]

Place Names:

First Love

Best Friends Brother

Sexiest Boy in My Year

Lost Love

The One That Moved Away

He Came, He saw, He left

Best Friends Brother, Infatuation

Shortest Ever Relationships, not in love at all (please, share this seat)

Teenage Love

Pre-Adult Love, Serious {Shit}.

Love Affair

Last Love

Love Unconditionally

Host (Me)

It probably wouldn't be that funny.

Stunning is the word to me that best describes this sound, if one is needed. I look forward to seeing this man live again, a friend of fate introduced me to his music, and since then I have seen a large handful of his stage displays. His ep is a belated purchase that will be my next; sold out at the festival I went to. 

So along with my wombling rambles, here I give you a handful of what I'm indulging in this evening. Spy that artwork...

Love on the back of a falafel packet

All these people taking up space in my heart

I'll tell you once, I'll tell you twice, I'll tell you again, we're apart!

Let's go out for dinner 

We'll find us a winner an see

If any one of you 

Is really worth holding on to...

I should start charging you, because your using this room for free.

Except you.

I love you unconditionally.

A band I could of taken notice of sooner, beautiful album "CASSADAGA", came at the right time... I wasn't able to find a suitable link, so maybe if your interested, the song I'm dreaming of here is Coat Check Dream Song. 

The artwork on the sleeve kept me entertained for longer than I would like to admit.

Shrill as a choir of children

Urgent like the first day of May

False and inflatable feeling

Tugs at my senses, big as the Macy's Parade

One brick on top of another

Such is the measure of man

Planets are inset like diamonds

On a gravity halo, eternity's wedding band

I slept with that dealer all summer

The ecstasy is still in my spine

Coat Check I couldn't remember

Walked into the winter, came out on the other side

In the South the sun is shining

Back in the East the lights went out

Stuck on a ladder to heaven

On trail way back in The Hague

Lullaby sounds from the engine

In my Styrofoam coffin, asleep on the interstate

Black globes, old symbols of freedom

A murderer still on the lam

Cities encircled the iron

On a great silver beltway, democracy's shackled hands

Seance that brought us together

Objects we move with our minds

Coat Check and I lost the number

Short sleeves in the winter, fell back through the other side

Out on the West the cars are crashing

Up in the North the ice gave out

Saada Tekmel B'Lhouria...

Houria...

Written by Conor Oberst & Nate Walcott (Bright Eyes)

Spits & Bursts

I have arrived in my other house, my other home, a home from home. For the next nine months and then, that is it. Or is it. 

This year will go a fast, a friend put into a kind context, explaining the speed of the terms, ah how soon I'll be free to explore other things. It is not to say that I cant whilst in my final year, but it would be wise to focus on the task ahead of me and in play soon. I have had little jerks of ideas bubbling away inside me all summer, little are related to what I'm doing currently, the most productive outburst physically and artistically has been writing in my notebook. 

These ideas are dreams which I have written down, it would seem obvious but in doing so, it makes them seem much more attainable, Julia Cameron talks about this in her book The Sound of Paper aimed at all creatives, its a helpful tool I picked up a couple years ago; going slightly off subject as always (the things I write are quite often thought after thought, with little light bulbs going off everywhere, if it makes no sense to the read I for that apologise, but it does in fact aid me to file things in my mind, and find stuff that's been lost down the back of the filing cabinet or things that just need dusting- do you follow?) Anyway as I was about to say, I have just now remembered something I was suggesting to my friend this morning, in order to help her open up her mind a little more, to see what she has stored away that seems to be getting the better of her positive outlook; I suggested a kind of 'free writing' which Julia Cameron calls 'morning pages' "three pages of longhand, morning writing, about anything and everything..." So it would seem this lady has a lot of good to answer for.

This practice genuinely has a lot to answer for, I recall reading things, that I really don't remember thinking were that important but somehow appeared to transport from my mind onto the paper via the use of my hand without my prior knowledge. Sounds a bit much, maybe, but it does happen, it's like when people say the truth comes out when your drunk- does it, I don't know but that may explain what I'm saying a little. Or not.

Back to the dreams.. I mean ideas.

Things that have seemed unattainable for the past few months, feel within my reach and if I'm honest I want to escape and go explore them now. I know I can get though this year, I just want to feel more excited about my course, the way I was in love with it when I first began, I'm imagining a column in the student newspaper with the headline 'keep the love alive by bringing your tutor flowers, smile at everybody in the class, give your desk a clean to keep the marriage fresh.'

I have plans I do not want to loose down the back of the cabinet, I want them to turn into physical expeditions to new people, places, countries even. I have the aim in mind with my future career that I do something that will help those that need help, encouragement or the chance to explore their potential. I haven't worked out the established route yet, but I'm going to go explore first, (although I live a lucky life here in the UK, despite the obvious downturn, as a student I have the comfort of a blanket until I graduate) I haven't made this very possible for myself, and I am a firm believer that the more you do the more you experience, so this is my plan. 

Ruff and ready, just like this post.

7, 14, 21

When I am old,
If, I reach the pleasure, or pain,
I will look back and laugh.
Laugh at the trivial woes and tears,
All the almighty fears.
What exactly was there to gain.



Look at a map of the country,
that's not even it.
Look at a map of the continent,
that's not even it.
Look at a map of the ocean,
that's not even it.
Think of all that's been broken,
that's not even it.
Think of the possible explosion,
that's not even it.
Think of the surrounding emotions,
that's not even it.
Think of what lies beyond these oceans that's not even it.




Everything.


And that, is it.

Teulu

So I never got round to finishing that bit about those few compact discs I'd borrowed from my friend... I guess that is it. Or is it?

I said to my good friend on the phone this morning whilst in the middle of quite a general conversation: ''we have to ingrain that nothing ever stays the same'', in other words, nothing is permanent, perhaps more so in context.
But, a very strange thing happened this weekend; someone my family has known for a long time who is not well was told to have passed away and inevitably, my parents told close relations yesterday at a family birthday. Today however, it would seem this was a huge misunderstanding, more likely a case of Chinese whispers. I can't imagine how my parent's would feel... relieved, angry... stumped? Let alone the next of kin, I am not sure of their knowledge of the whole thing though.

So, I said this to my friend before I found out it wasn't true, statement stays the same though, in this instance.

......................................................................................................................................................................
..................................................................................................................................


There is a possibility my sister could have her babies anytime in the next 10 weeks, they are a 'healthy size' and in other words, running out of belly, I just hope if they do decided to come early it is without complications, no doubt they'll have some demands when they get here.

I'm feeling very 'fuzzy' (the only word I can think of, not one that's amazing but..eh) about my sisters family home while I've been here. This morning me, my sister and my nephew walked to his school. He has just started year two, I was overwhelmed at the glee I felt, watching him play with his friends, he has so much character. I haven't spent much time here or with my sister and her family this year it feels.

After my dad told me yesterday about our relative, It felt all the more important to make the most of the day our whole family had together; cousins, aunties, uncles, nannies, grandads, nephews, nieces, grandchildren, partners and friends, all the P family, most at least, we haven't been together like that in ages and it really did feel lovely.

This week after my stay here I'm hoping to go home via my grandparents for a night or three. My nan looked so happy yesterday, it was a celebration meal for her eightieth. Also  two minutes walk from there are my cousins, auntie & uncle. I rarely see them but my cousins and I are all near the same age and as I found out more'so yesterday they have pretty good music taste, I may even propose a jam with my uncle on the guitar, how likely this is I can't say, but, you don't know unless you try...


.................................................................................................................................................................................

It's late,
I should shower before school,
so...

Oh, and
I also gave my nan a copy of our bands recording, just so she would be able to hear what we've been doing, her eager reply melted my heart, I think it's stuck in that shape for a while now.

It's here.

I can stare at it all day, whilst trying to do work.
Or I could just pop it in and press play...

halfway between a gift and nothing

You want your fate on a plate,
I am afraid you'll have to wait.

Feel like I'm halfway there and never good enough,
but halfway is better than not even being anywhere
I guess, I guess, I guess.

When I don't know what to write
I just repeat, repeat, repeat.
And when I don't know what to say I just
regurgitate, regurgitate, regurgitate.

Fate, fate, fate on a plate.
I'm afraid you'll have to wait.




[The title is something compiled by myself and Dawn Toner, 
I cant remember how it came about, 
I just know for some reason, it came about together.]

list of summer, compiled throughout

the smell of cut hay /
humid rain /
hanging baskets /
camping /
friends reunited /
family time /
trains /
busses /
freckles /
festivals /
rivers /
my pregnant sister who I'm yet to meet /
washing on the line /
taking a packed lunch to my dad in a field somewhere /
variation of silhouettes of trees as the sun sets and then disappears /
playing /
the smell of night air /
hot cat fur against my skin /
bunting /
wheelbarrows /
tomorrow /
toilets /
wild berries /
midnight drives /
litter /
hot ginger shots /
can can /
all night-er's /
dog attachment /
swimming /

Exciting. 

I am of few words today;

I spent most of them early this afternoon, on two post cards, one short letter and a birthday card, not forgetting the three address's, but then, those words were already provided.

Music: Laura Marling

Video: A Creature I Don't Know - a short film by FRED & NICK.

Krishna, was I meant to keep the lavender?

A beautiful distraction from my mind,
I told you I felt more comfortable in yellow.
You had a hat on that was blue.

Writing about you bears no pain.
I said goodbye and walked off into the rain...
I doubt I'll ever see you again.
It may be shame but at least there was no weight to gain.

RED BLUE YELLOW

SHOWER / CLEAN / FORGET THE DREAM / READ OTHER WRITERS / BUY A TYPE WRITER / BECOME A FIGHTER

Ah my friend,

at last the time has come.


You are gone from the house we have shared, but I trust in us to stay strong, 
Because friends like us know where we belong.


What does distance matter when you can think about someone and smile,
It may rub a bit now, it may take a while.


Memories of us embedded in the space between the walls, 
laughing, 
joking, 
crying sometimes.
(Sometimes laughing and crying - at the same time!)


Meeting you was the best part of all, 
A friend for life a friend to call.
To share exchange thank and bring news of; 
travel, 
travel together, 
travel wherever.


This isn't an end. 
You are my friend.


It's just the start of a new chapter in the book of We.
One where we keep taking on new challenges, 
and embrace what life may throw at us, 
knowing it'll be okay,


because true friends 
are like cockroaches.

For my in-capabilities

I was looking at a blog belonging to a South Whale-ian female artist named Esther, I have seen her perform solely a couple of times, the second gig was much more intimate and had a hugely beautiful effect on me, in terms of viewer experience, I'm too tired to bore you with the details currently.

Meanwhile, this came to my attention, and I haven't been able to stop listening to it (or watching) since.



Music: Love Parry III, School in Summer (Demo)
Video: Love Parry III

"don't judge a book by its cover" [not a quote by me, obviously]

Today I chose three compact discs from J's 'home home' collection to borrow.
I am totally guilty of judging a book by it's cover in the literally visual sense, not in the way of the metaphor this saying has created.
Spotting them entirely/mostly for their covers and perhaps a little for the names that seem to have had some connection to my brains inbox.
Three new but not brand new, contemporary, fresh to my ears, none older than five years discs.

Do the names interest you? You'll have to wait.
I am more than interested in the artwork... which could be considered the whole expanse of a band/noise producers journey/career/conception through to deletion of their existence entirely when there is no evidence anywhere in anyone or anything...

Back to the music for a little while.
The first, recognized for it's name, memory of a recommendation and admiration for the words in the band title;
Sea Wolf. Good words, good words combined, it conjures up images of a mysterious nature; colours, textures, sounds and attitudes.
I have not long inserted the disc into the computer, and from the first few songs it's clear it's not one hit wonders they're after, these are after all artist's...
Comparisons are flying around in my brain but I will refrain from this, I will just tell you the sounds I hear coming through that remind me of other musicians are ones I have heart for, time to invest.

The Album has finished playing, and it's taken me a few good minutes to notice, this is due to the fact that is, that online network of social-ness, where things can get creepy and you can even find yourself getting creepy.

So the flow that was this writing show has stopped after a go-go.
Really, listening needs to be done in the car.

Always trying to do ten things at once to save time, I must now sleep and haven't yet experimented with sleep-blogging/....much, I won't put yours-julies through that.